(Caltron) 6-In-1:

That was a big break I took... These Caltron games are really taking their toll, but thankfully, this is THE LAST ONE!. The last Caltron 6-In-1 game I will be reviewing is called Bookyman.

Kevin's Review:

Bookyman: * 1/2

The point of this game is similar to Pacman, but is EXCRUTIATINGLY hard, due to the incredible enemy AI and speed, which is faster than you, the stupid pooping enemy, and the overall lack of goodness to this game.

In this game, you're some kind of beetle, moving around on a Pacman style board, and leaving a trail behind you that is a slightly different colour than the rest of the board. You have to avoid these two other creatures, who are bent on stopping you from completing your pointless task.

The pooping creature who comes in later is a stange thing that leaves little black dots on your trail that you need to clean up. You then need to catch this creature, or you'll be cleaning up after him forever (dang roomates). Do all this while pointless cartoon animals (Such as lions, penguins and unrecognisable creatures) wave at you on the off-screen.

There are no power ups, but there are two paint rollers that allow you to either speed up, or with a little luck and timing, mow down your enemies. These are located on top or a pair of "bridges" on the board, unfortunately, it's very difficult to tell the bridge from the regular track.

The enemies in this game are quite brutal. While there's just the two of them, they move just as fast as you do, and gun straight at you from the moment they enter the board, and they never leave you alone for a second. While the logical solution would have been to slow down the enemies, or make the AI a bit less aggressive, Caltron chose the quick and lazy solution and started you off with 9 lives. Once a stage is cleared, you'll have to sit through one of the most boring moments in game history, as every square centimetre of the board turns into a little heart, one by one.

In conclusion of this unbearable Caltron game...

DON'T PLAY IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BLOCK YOUR EYES! PLUG YOUR EARS! BURN YOUR CLOTHES! RUN FOR THE HILLS! GIVE UP YOUR FIRST BORN CHILDREN, AND DON'T PLAY THIS GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for reading.

(Caltron) 6-in-1: Porter

Hello and welcome to another review of another horrible mini-game on the unliscened game, 6-in-1.

Kevin's Review:

Porter: *

Do you remember Sobokan? The lovable game that almost everyone loves? You move blocks (In this case, hay bales) to its proper place (In this case, on a star) and thats about it. Simple, to the point, and effective if you want to play that sort of logic/puzzle game. This game, however, is NOT a good substitute!

Although Sobokan is the best game on 6-in-1, it is still very hard like the others, very challenging like the others and very frustrating in general, like the others. There is a button that you have to press to move the block, and the other button is a suicide button. If you press it, you lose a life and start the level all over again. The button should have been Select or Start and Select together, not the B button!!! Puzzles start off pretty simple, but get really tough, really fast, which might indicate a lack of levels. Also, your movement is a bit slow and jerky, and this can slowly wear away at your patience.

(Caltron) 6-In-1: Adam And Eve

In this post, I will be reviewing the fourth mini-game on 6-In-1, Adam And Eve. I'm getting very agitated by all these horrible games, but I will carry on.

Kevin's Review

Adam And Eve: *

Ever play balloon fight? Ever imagine it with Adam and Eve? Neither have I, but here it is.

You fly about using a pair of balloons over your head. You tap A repeatedly to flap your arms, making you fly. Your goal is to fly above your opponents, pop their balloons, then hit them again before they have a chance to inflate another one, identical to balloon fight. Take out each enemy to beat the stage.

Apparently I've been misinformed of the story of Adam & Eve. As it turns out, Adam was a green haired caveman, and Eve was a black man with blond hair. Also, the tree of wisdom was actually bamboo, and it wasn't a serpent, but an army of earthworms that attacked Adam and Eve. In a bid to save humanity, Adam & Eve tied balloons to their heads and fought the evil earthworms in an epic battle. All while the mythical bird of some sort threw bouncing coconuts at them. Did I mention that I'm not making this up?

What is really annoying is that the worms have this really annoying habit of hanging around at the top of the screen, where you can't possibly get above them, and therefore have no choice but to wait until they decide you can attack them.

Overall this game is as stupid as it is confusing, confusing as it is bad, and bad as it is stupid. Go play Balloon Fight!

(Caltron) 6-In-1: Balloon Monster

The next mini-game on 6-In-1 I will be reviewing is Balloon Monster. It is the this the third mini-game on this brutal game, and I'm glad to say that I am half-way done the reviews of 6-in-1.

Kevin's Review
Balloon Monster: *

NO! DON'T PLAY THIS GAME! FOR THE GOOD OF HUMANITY!

This game is so hard that any peaceful, calm person will be ripping his hair out by the second level. It is horrible. It doesn't even feel hard, its just SO FRUSTRATING!

The object is to shoot at the bouncing bubble (or balloon?) and every time you do, it splits into four smaller versions of itself. This continues until all of the bubbles are cleared. This meansyou can actually use a little strategy in this game, unlike the other games on the cartridge. Small platforms will appear in later stages that can be taken out with your gun. Anyways, here are some complaints:

1- Why is it called Balloon Monster? He's popping bubbles!
2- When he moves back and forth hes blinking rapidly... Why?
3- Is he a pickpocket? Look at his clothes!
4- Why does he fly up in the air after touching a bubble?
5- Why do all the levels eventually become extremely repetetive?
6- Why do the levels have a acorn backround after level 10?
7- Why did I play 14 levels of this garbage?
8- Why was this game created?
9- Did the creators think this game was good?

Just some more of lifes unanswered questions. This game could have been good. Oh, wait, there is a good version. BUSTER BROTHERS. The only positive point is that after each level you get one more life. The only good thing. Just stay away from this game.

(Caltron) 6-In-1: Magic Carpet 1001

Next in this Caltron 6-In-1 series is the second mini-game on the game, Magic Carpet 1001.
Kevin's Review

Magic Carpet 1001: *

Aladdin, is that you? Oh wait, this game sucks. You play as an Arabian kid on a magic carpet shooting bees, birds, bats, super heroes, terrorists on missiles, witches and all the other regular villans.

Why does this game stink you ask? Well, the music stinks, the graphics stink, the weapon stinks, the backround stinks, and most of all, THE GAME STINKS!

I'll start with the music. It feels like belly dancers are going to pop out any minute. As for the graphics, this game was made in 1992, and the SNES was already out. WAS THIS THE BEST THEY CAN DO!?!?!?! The camels in the backround are bigger than the boy, and they look about 100 miles away. HOW BIG ARE THOSE CAMELS?!?!?!

Time to talk about the game play. You only get 6 lives. Notice the only. This game is so hard (In a bad way) that you need 100 lives to beat the game (Well, if anybody actually wanted to).You can only shoot one arrow at a time, and the arrow goes all the way across the screen, really slowly, and its so small that it almost doesn't hit anything, AND it also does practically NO damage to the bosses. I shot the witch boss (The first one) over 60 times, and she still didnt die.

To sum it up, if you were paid a million and one dollars to play this game, DON'T!

(Caltron) 6-In-1: Cosmos Cop

UNLICENED GAME ALERT!!!

DO NOT PLAY THIS GAME UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. I WILL NOW PROCEED AND TELL YOU WHY, BUT WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T ACTUALLY PLAY IT. In this post I will review (and try to describe the best I can) the first mini-game on 6-In-1: Cosmos Cop

Kevin's Review

Cosmos Cop: *

Aside from the worst super hero name of all time, and being one of the worst games of all time, this game is probably the best mini-game on the game. The graphics in the title screen are better than the others, and its the only game with a story:

"A2010 The terror legion from Alienation invaded galaxy"

WHAT?!?!?Well, I think we can forgive them for this. After all, they're Japanese. What I won't forgive is them for making this horrible game. Why is it so horrible? Well first of all, the depth perception is HORRIBLE! You don't know how close something is to you until it hits you.
You get only two weapons, a useless little ball-shooter or a ring-shooter, but you only get a very limited amount of rings.
The health bar is an ok size, but if you get hit by anything you get hurt, and its incredibly hard to dodge the meteors, the projectiles that split into 4 AND the spaceships at the same time, especially since you take up 1/5 of the screen. You can try to fight back, but you're just putting yourself in the line of fire. If you pass level 1, then you're very patient and very bored.

The Battles Of 3-D World Runner

What a childish game. What a stupid looking game. What a... Fun game? Thats right, The Battles Of 3-D World Runner is an extremely fun game, with a simple, yet amusing, concept.

Kevin's Review

Music: **** 1/2

Doesn't this music just want to smile and go running out on the street, dodging people and cars? It sure makes me want to. Its just so cheery.Even when you die, the music sounds like its telling you "Keep on trying!" in its own cheery little way.
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Graphics: ****

"You mean its 3-D??? I go FORWARD??? WOW!" -Average gamer, 1987

These graphics were a bit above average at the time, but just the fact that Worldrunner is moving forward was stunning back when it came out. The 3-D mode (with 3-D glasses, of course) is really bad though.
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Gameplay: **** 1/2

Move around enemys, fire missles at enemys and jump over holes. Basic, simple and most of all, fun.

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Overall:****

Theres not much wrong with this game, and theres alot going for it. Whenever I'm bored, I can always play this game, no matter how times I've played it before.

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Worth Playing? Yes, but not with 3-D glasses in 3-D mode.

1943: The Battle Of Midway

Can someone say "absolutely amazing, the greatest side-scrolling shooter ever released"? I know I can. 1943: The Battle Of Midway brought side-scrolling shooters to a new level.

I mean, the graphics are cool, the music is awsome, and the gameplay is uncontrolably addicting. Don't get me wrong, it would have been better if time didn't hurt you, and it wasn't so hard, but those are just minor factors in this game. I mean, there had to be SOMETHING wrong with it.

Kevin's Review

Graphics: *** 1/2
The graphics may not be the fanciest for 1988, but they really work well. All the vibrant colours (Green, blue, red, yellow) make it a really clear game. It may be common, but it still makes me feel good every time I see a plane explode into a million peices.
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Music: *****
The music in this game will get stuck in your head for days. It fits so perfectly into the game. The sound effects fit into the music. Its a beautiful blend. The moment you take off, you can hear the plane engine roaring, and than the catchy sea music starts. Its a beautiful thing.
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Gameplay: *****
The sequel to 1942. Even better than 1942. Need I say anything more?
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Overall: ****1/2
The game is perfect, except for the flaws I mentioned earlier. Why are you still reading this? Go play it!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------Worth playing? Do you like games? If so, then yes, play this game (with patience)

1942

A classic arcade game converted to the NES, 1942 is one of the best side-shooter games ever, and one of the best Capcom games as well. 1942 set the bar higher for side-shooter games, and not many games were quite as good as this, which is why so many people are still playing it today.

Kevin's Review

Graphics: *** 1/2

Being a generally old game, (the arcade version was made in 1982, and the NES version was made in 1986) 1942 had mildly impressive graphics for its time.

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Music: **

Cool music+eternally looped= Make it stop. The drums and the beeps are cool at first, but over and over again? And the sound effects make it even more annoying.

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Gameplay:****

Really fun, but I just can't help comparing it to its predecessor, 1943: The Battle Of Midway

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Overall:*** 1/2

Want to play a classic side-scrolling game? This one should be near the top of your list.

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Worth Playing? Yes, but if you have the choice, play 1943 instead

10-Yard Fight

Being one of the first football games on the NES, you would have thought that 10-Yard Fight would have been a below-average game.

YOU WERE WRONG

10-Yard fight is one of my personal favourite games, and always will be. Its basic (yet very fun) gameplay and basic (yet effective) controls make it what it is.
Kevin's Review
Graphics: ***
Being one of the first NES games ever (Released in 1985), these graphics were about average for that time, but they accomplish their purpose.
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Music: ***
Meh. The catchy little tune that plays when you start the game is the only music, but as for the sound effects, they really get you into the game. The little tapping sound of your feet that happens when you catch the ball after a kick-off, the cheering of the crowd, the referees whistle all help with the atmosphere of the game.
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Gameplay: ****1/2
Throw the ball, run with the ball, get tackled, referee runs onto the field and tells you if its a first down. Can it get any better then that? Not much.
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Overall: ****
A great game that I feel I can play over and over and over and over again and still get excited when the referee tells me its a first down.
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Worth playing? Yes, but play it as a NES game, not as an official football game.

The Beginning

Since the dawn of time, man has always wanted to waste his time on pointless, yet amusing things. In the 1970's, there were Pinball machines. In the 1980's, there were arcades. But then, in 1985, a Japanese company with a peculiar name decided that people had gone long enough without wasting precious time amusing themselves within their own homes.

THEREFORE, THE NINTENDO ENTERTAINMENT SYSTEM WAS BORN.

A fat little Italian plumber (that grew when he ate "Magic Mushrooms" and stomped on turtles and stange fish among other things) was created.

A LEGEND WAS BORN.

Now won't you please join me, Kevin, as I'll try to play and rate every single NES game... EVER.